Got Wedding Etiquette?

Surprisingly, the most asked question I receive as an etiquette consultant is: what do I wear to a wedding?   In theory, discerning the formality of a wedding should be easy when we know the formality of the invitation, chosen venue, and time of day of the wedding.   Still, knowing the particulars, may not allay our confusion.   Informal Invitations, Formal Wedding and Informal Reception? As an example of just how confusing decoding the dress code can be, let us look at the following common scenario.   A couple chooses to create their wedding invitations , which appear rather informal.   Yet , the ceremony will take place in the afternoon in a Catholic Church, with the reception scheduled for 5:30 pm at a country club.     While interpreting these formality clues, we find a mixed bag.   The invitation is informal indicating informal attire.   A Catholic Church wedding dictates formal daytime attire, and the dress code for evening cou...

It seems that we all have strong feelings about what a wedding should be.   Many feel that it is the most important day of a couple’s life.   Well, it may be the most important day, so far, in a couple’s life.   But it is just another day for everyone else.   Because this is true, we must plan carefully not only focusing on our wedding but also focusing attention on our guests.   After all, we are hosts to our guests. Please Note Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.   This also means that the wedding is no longer a social event for parents.   How to Invite Guests to a Wedding in Vegas With No Reception? Dear Polite One, We will be getting married in Las Vegas and want to send out invitations to a select small group of people, as they have indicated that they would like to come.  This is only for a wedding (no reception).   How do you word this sort of invitation ?  Keep in mind t...

  Dear Polite One, My daughter is getting married.  My wife is sending out the invitations for our guests and is including a co-worker.  This married co-worker informed my wife before she received the invitation that her incapacitated husband would not be attending so she is inviting her nephew so that they could drink together.  First, the wedding is very costly.  Second, I told my wife that this response is totally unacceptable and that proper etiquette is to not invite anyone else in her husband’s place.  Do you agree?  Containing My Anger Dear Containing My Anger, The first breach was to invite the coworker.  This isn’t your wife’s wedding even if you are paying for it.  Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children’s weddings.  This also means that the wedding is no longer a social event for the parents.  They don’t invite.  So, this was the first mistake.  If your daughter gave yo...

  Not far in our collective past, the bride’s parents were financially responsible for their daughter’s wedding.   This also gave them the opportunity to use this as a social event inviting their friends and business associates.   The groom’s family received roughly half of the list and they did the same.   Times have changed.   Our children are better educated, and many times have higher incomes than we.   Most often they can pay for their own weddings.   In a nutshell, parents are no longer financially responsible.   This also means that parents do not invite . Dear Polite One: My daughter is getting married, and my husband and I are paying for the reception . I have given her my guest list of immediate family and 4 couples that we are close to. Only 122 guests may be invited, including the wedding party. The groom’s parents send a list of 80 guests, most are not close to the couple. His mom seems to think that this is ok because they ...

  Dear Polite One, What is the protocol for the inner envelope?   Dear Visitor, It should look like this: The outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe. The inside envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Jon Doe Children listed by age Sometimes family names can be listed, such as Uncle Steve and Aunt Jean.  But, if using the formal tradition, it would be Mr. and Mrs. Doe. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Informing guests that they pay for their meals? Newspaper announcement for encore bride? Registry Info in Announcements for Our Small Wedding in Brussels?

  Dear Polite One, If a couple is living together, does the woman's name appear first on the envelope?  What if the man is a judge?   Thanks Confused Hello Confused, Unmarried couples are typically mentioned in alphabetical order: Mr. John Brown (next line) Ms. Jane Smith.  However, if one has a higher-ranking title, such as Honorable, that person’s name is listed first.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Wording for canceled and rescheduled wedding? Listing late father as host? How to address the envelope to two doctors?

  Dear Polite One, Is there any funny wording that you can think of for re-inviting guests to a wedding that had previously (one year ago) been canceled? Much appreciation, Renata Hello Renata, I’m not really that clever.  But I suppose you could use wording such as “We promise to make it down the aisle this time!” Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Listing late father as host? How to address the envelope to two doctors? Listing all parents and one is a judge?

  Hello Polite One , I have a question regarding wording for a wedding invitation. My parents are hosting my wedding. However, my father recently passed away. We would like to include him as a host on the invitation. Do you have any suggestions on the proper way to do this? Thank you for your time. Hello Visitor, Please accept my sincerest sympathy .   Unfortunately, he couldn't be listed with your mother. But he could be listed under your name as: also, the daughter of the late Father’s Name.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address the envelope to two doctors? Listing all parents and one is a judge? Informing guests that they pay for their meals?

Dear Polite One, How do I address a wedding invitation to a husband and wife – he's a medical doctor and she holds a Ph.D.? Two Doctors Dear Two Doctors, There are a few ways of dealing with this form of invitation and that is probably why it is confusing: Doctors Jane and James Smith or Doctors Smith. The Polite One More by The Polite One Listing all parents and one is a judge? Informing guests that they pay for their meals? Newspaper announcement for encore bride?

  Polite One, We would like to include all parents' names on the invitation, even though my parents are paying/hosting. However, his father, a judge, remarried after his mother's passing. Should we list his dad and stepmom as his parents and is there any way of including his mother? Thanks, Many questions Dear Many Questions, Your parents are listed first as hosts and the groom's parents are listed under your fiancé's name. This is most fair to your parents since most couples pay for their own wedding these days.  Your parents are very generous. Also, there is no reason to list his stepmother because she is not his mother and not contributing. This simplifies things. Invitation Suggestion Mr. and Mrs. Your Parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Bride to Mr. Groom son of The Honorable Dad and the late Mrs. Mother etc. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Informing guests that t...

  Hello Polite One, I am getting married on in two months.  Our wedding is small, so will not host a full reception...only cake, punch, and finger foods such as cheese and fruit.  How should I word my invitation?  Should it say Cake and Punch reception to follow? Also, what is the proper time to have the wedding if we are not serving a meal?  The wedding site is in the mountains, and it will take most people an hour to drive to the wedding site.  Is 1:00 p.m. too early?  Would 2:00 be a better time?  I do not want to be rude to guests who may be expecting a meal. Please let me know the proper etiquette for this. Thank you, Brenda Dear Brenda, Congrats!  Thank you for considering your guests’ comfort.  2 pm would work best.  And, you don’t have to list the refreshments on the invitation.  Guests should know.  But, if this is an informal wedding, the “rules” are much more relaxed.  So, you could use...

Steps are Parents Too In our culture, we often tend to disrespect and hold stepparents in disdain, especially the stepmother.   Perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise when we consider fairytale favorites like Cinderella and Snow White.   Both stepmothers were truly evil; we detest them easily.   But with encore weddings outpacing first-timers, stepmothers become growingly common.   It seems that we should begin to welcome all who enter our families as real family members, not mere interlopers.   At no time is the disdainful treatment of stepmothers more apparent than during the wedding planning process and at the wedding itself.   Stepmothers, even those who have been members of the family for years, are usually expected to show up for the wedding dressed as one of the guests—not one of the mothers—sit quietly in the third row with her husband and disappear into the background during the reception.   This can be completely understandable in those inst...

  It would seem that a wedding invitation is a simple piece of communication, but it is far more.   Because of that fact, there is an endless list of questions couples have.   Here are three common situations with my solutions.   Dear Polite One, My fiancé and I are starting to plan our wedding. It is the second for both of us.  We've discussed the guest list and who would be our attendants.   My mother informed us that if we invite one family member, we must invite them all.  However, both my fiancé and I wish to invite only those family and friends with whom we feel close. That would mean some aunts, uncles, and cousins may not be invited. Wants Small Wedding Dear Wants Small Wedding You make the rules for the second wedding.  You will be paying for this, as most are for their firsts these days, and don’t have to invite anyone with whom you are not close.  So, invite the one and not worry about the siblings.  Dear Polite...